By Christopher Camp – ADHD Australia Contributor, Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages (TESOL) and special education trainer
The last few years have been a wild ride. For many people, COVID had effects that will echo on for years, even decades.
However, one positive outcome was the increased awareness of neurodiversity, and in particular, ADHD. Many people went looking for answers and realised they weren’t bad at being adults, instead, they’d gone their whole lives with needs that weren’t being met. They came away with neurodiversity diagnoses, which is wonderful!
With more diagnosis came more resources and support groups. The vibe can be super positive: “You did it! You found the key to your best life! Now you can live your authentic self!”
That’s great news, but late diagnosis has a dimension few people are ready for, and many communities aren’t equipped to discuss – diagnosis can hit you like a ton of bricks. Everyone has a different experience, and everyone’s experience is valid.
Emotions are OK
Big changes in in life bring up powerful emotions. It’s important to remember emotions aren’t right or wrong; they just happen. Sometimes they’re hard to deal with and can be confusing.
People might encourage you to celebrate your diagnosis, but you might feel conflicted. In times like this, remember:
It’s OK to be sad
It really is OK. Late diagnosis means seeing yourself in a new way. It means experiencing your memories with a new perspective. You might think about how different life could have been if you knew earlier. Life could have been different. You could have been different.
These thoughts can sometimes feel like mourning. It feels like mourning a death, because that’s exactly what you’re doing. You’re mourning the loss of the person you might have become. And that’s OK.
It’s both normal and healthy to have these emotions, and like any great loss, it’s hard. But you’re OK. You’re not wrong, and the feeling won’t last forever.
If you are really impacted, remember to lean on ADHD support groups, ADHD coaches and mental health organisations such as Lifeline and Beyond Blue.
It gets better. It takes time. You’ve got this!
It’s OK to be happy
But what if you feel like a huge weight has been lifted? Good news! That’s OK, too!
Questions like, “Why can’t I do things other people find simple?” and “Why do I find it so much harder?” begin to make sense. The self-doubt, shame and feelings of failure can vanish in almost in an instant.
You’ve just always been different. You never had the tools you needed to succeed, and now, for the first time, you’re set up for success.
These realisations are like removing a weight you didn’t know you were carrying. It’s like being able to breathe for the first time. And there’s no shame in loving it.
Diagnosis gives you a framework to help you understand so much. It gives you a new lens and the opportunity to think back on memories of things that make you cringe in a kinder light.
Diagnosis can give you the tools to forgive yourself for the past and better yourself for the future. That’s a lot to be happy about.
Be proud of yourself. You did it. It only gets better, and it’s OK to celebrate!
